'They were like the worst times in my life and the best': McFly's Dougie Poynter recalls massively 'life-changing' stints in rehab
Dougie Poynter doesn't want to spend the rest of his life "fearing" relapse.
McFly's Dougie Poynter admits his two rehab stints were massively "life-changing" in a rare interview about his addictions.
The 35-year-old musician previously revealed that his addiction to anxiety medication Valium wiped his memory of two years of his life.
The bass player started to get hooked on the drug in 2016, before seeking help at rehab two years later.
He had an earlier stint at rehab in 2011 after he attempted suicide amid a battle with drugs and alcohol.
And speaking to his pal from Busted, 40-year-old Matt Willis - who battled a cocaine addiction - on his 'On The Mend with Matt Willis' podcast, Dougie recalled: "I’ve done it twice for two separate addictions.
"Both times I felt like they were huge life-changing things, they were like the worst times in my life and the best, for some reason.
"I still reference my last stint in rehab now whenever I’m like not feeling quite right or something."
The 'Obviously' hitmaker struggled to tell his loved ones because he didn't want to "hurt" them, which is why he's been reluctant to share his story.
He said: "It’s horrible, that was like one of the worst parts about it.
"I think that also plays into why I’m fearful of talking about it, is more what others or friends and family will think, like how it will hurt them knowing."
Dougie has learned to be "aware" of his triggers to prevent himself from spiralling and hopes he doesn't have to live "life in fear" of relapsing forever.
He added: "I think the most important thing for me is being honest with myself, and knowing myself.
"And I think it’s that combination so, knowing what my – really honestly knowing what my triggers are and being aware of those. I see those triggers as like little f***ed up abstract demons that live inside my head and in my gut that can manifest from any kind of situation which will start eating at me.
"And that can be for me the beginning of a spiral that eventually I will end up going back to drugs because there’s no other way to get rid of them because it’s so consuming.
"I don’t want to live in fear for the rest of my life."
Speaking to The Sun newspaper's Bizarre column in 2020 about his Valium problem, Dougie said: “It’s a slope that you don’t really realise you’re slipping down until it’s too late. Then climbing out of that hole is a very, very long process.”
When asked if he is unable to remember the period, he added: “Honestly, yeah. I mean, you get flashbacks, but it’s a huge blur. It’s strange.
“That’s something which is really hard to come to terms with, literally losing two years. Two years just went like a weird dream. Coming out the other end was like, ‘What? Where’s my band?’”
Dougie went to rehab after an intervention from his bandmates and said he thinks he agreed to go into a treatment centre without “kicking up a fuss”, although he can’t remember for sure.
He said: “It needs to be controlled because it’s such a slow process.
“It was certainly an intervention. I don’t remember kicking up a fuss but . . . I don’t remember much really.”
The ‘Happiness’ hitmaker opened up about his addiction in the documentary 'McFly: All About You’, where he said the relapse was the closest he ever came to "losing myself”.
He explained: "On the one hand I felt inspired because friends in LA would take me to see other bands and stuff.
“On the other hand, I was like, ‘But my band’s broken and it’s all my fault’. Valium was a way of just making all that disappear.”
