Jeremy Clarkson reveals new 'harebrained schemes' for Diddly Squat
Jeremy Clarkson has opened up about his latest "harebrained schemes" which became Diddly Squat "disasters" and viewers are likely to see in the next series of Clarkson's farm revealing his plan to start breeding rabbits went horribly wrong.
Jeremy Clarkson has opened up about his latest "harebrained schemes" which became Diddly Squat "disasters" .
The former Top Gear presenter has unveiled his latest plans which are likely to be seen in the next series of Clarkson's farm revealing his idea to start breeding rabbits went horribly wrong and his co-star Kaleb Cooper is "not talking" to him after he decided to plant and harvest flax.
In his latest column for The Sunday Times newspaper, Clarkson wrote: " “Job one. I’d heard that no one is currently farming rabbits in this country and that butchers have to import whatever the pub and restaurant trade need from France.
"'That’s an opportunity, right there', I thought. How hard can it be? Rabbits breed like rabbits, so I’d be in the money from the get-go."
However, the rabbit plan didn't work because they failed to breed and turned out to be "extremely vicious".
He added: "It turns out that rabbits don’t breed like rabbits. They breed like pandas. It’s nigh on impossible to get them to have sex and even if you manage it, the ladies rarely get pregnant.
"Also, rabbits are extremely vicious, which is a problem if, like me, you’re on blood thinners. I’ve never once been hurt by a cow, but every time I emerge from the daily rabbit attack, I’m bleeding so profusely I look like that fountain in Geneva."
Clarkson also revealed he spent a lot of money planting a "market garden" and installing fences to keep the "attack rabbits" out and he ended up with lots of parsley and coriander and "a lot of dead thyme".
However, it was his plan to start growing flax - which is used to make linen - which infuriated Kaleb as the crops had to be harvested using a special machine and then they had to be "scooped up" by hand and placed in "water bowsers" due to the lack of rainfall this summer.
Clarkson wrote: "What equipment do you use to do this scooping? To find that out, I consulted Britain’s leading expert on flax ... And he said there is no equipment anywhere near the Cotswolds that could do it, so it would have to be done by hand. And how long would this take?
"'Working a 50-hour week, it would take a team of 40 people a year.' So the next time you wonder why linen is expensive."
He added: "“Kaleb, meanwhile, is not talking to me. He says I’ve got to stop coming up with harebrained schemes without thinking them through.
"And points out that as there’s no way in hell we will be able to collect everything we grew, the vast majority will just sit there, being shat on by dogs until it has decomposed."
