Adrian Chiles had 'hand' in 'budgie-smuggling operation'
Adrian Chiles helped his Auntie Lily smuggle her and Uncle Sid's budgie, Timmy, into Australia, after the couple decided to move back Down Under after not liking life in Birmingham.
Adrian Chiles helped smuggle a budgie from England to Australia.
The 58-year-old radio presenter is "not proud" that he helped his Auntie Lily train her and his Uncle Sid's budgerigar, Timmy, to cope with being in her handbag so that Lily could bring the bird back into her and Sid's home city of Perth - despite not being allowed.
The operation - which happened in the 1970s - came as Lily and Sid moved back Down Under as they did not like life in Birmingham.
Adrian - who was a child at the time - recalled in his column for The Guardian newspaper: "I once had a hand in a budgie-smuggling operation - that is, the smuggling of an actual budgie.
"I'm not proud of it, but it's time to come clean. In mitigation, this was in the 1970s, and I was but a child.
"Auntie Lily and Uncle Sid, Lily being my grandad's sister, had long lived in Perth, Australia. But now they decided to live out their days back in Birmingham.
"They brought with them a budgerigar called Timmy. Timmy was a most excellent budgie. He'd tilt his head in a sweet way when whistled to, say the odd word and fly around the front room without c******* everywhere.
"They loved Timmy. We all did. But Lily and Sid didn't love life back in Birmingham, so resolved to return to Perth. Disastrously, though, the rules were such that Timmy wouldn't be allowed back into Australia. Disaster.
"Lily - pardon the slight pun - hatched a plan. She'd smuggle Timmy back in her handbag. The Timmy training commenced.
"Day by day, we accustomed him to ever longer periods of handbag time, which, being a prince among budgies, he soon got the hang of."
Adrian said Lily planned to "feed" Timmy and take him out of her handbag for a "flap" whilst she went to the "toilet".
And she even had poison to "euthanise" the budgie in the event of the bird being confiscated.
The ex-The One Show presenter continued: "During the flight, Lily planned to feed him and let him out for a flap when she went to the toilet.
"Departure day dawned. The jeopardy was very real. If, God forbid, they were rumbled and Timmy was to be confiscated, Lily even had with her something with which to euthanise him.
"Quite where she sourced this budgie poison, I know not. But off they went on a flight that still feels like the longest flight I've ever taken, even though I wasn't on it.
"The wait was awful."
But all was well as Lily, Sid, and Timmy arrived safely back in Perth.
Adrian said: "Then a three-word telegram arrived, 'All is well.' Oh, the joy.
"And the three of them lived happily ever after."
