Benny Blanco reveals he drew up dream partner checklist before falling for Selena Gomez
The music producer says therapy helped him identify what he really wanted from a relationship before his longtime friendship with singer Selena developed into marriage.
Benny Blanco has revealed he drew up a checklist with his therapist describing his “ideal partner” before finding love with Selena Gomez – with being “age-appropriate” taking the number one spot.
Music producer Benny, 38, discussed the unusual route that eventually led him to singer Selena, 34, during an appearance on The Mel Robbins Podcast on Thursday (03.09.26.)
The Grammy-nominated producer and songwriter married Selena in California in September 2025 after the pair went public with their romance in December 2023 and announced their engagement a year later.
Speaking to Mel, Benny said he had previously told his therapist that he wanted to understand why he had struggled to find a lasting relationship.
He added: “I said, ‘I really wanna find the right partner, and I’m doing something wrong. I can’t find the person that I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with, and I want to do that’.”
Benny also said: “And we came up with some guidelines and a list.”
The music producer said his therapist instructed him to write down the qualities he genuinely wanted in a potential partner.
He went on: “The first thing on my list was age-appropriate.”
Benny added “you have to be very honest with yourself” when deciding what matters in a relationship.
Kindness was the next requirement.
He said: “Then the second thing on my list was, someone who’s nice. Nice, caring, compassionate, like someone who’s a nice person.”
Benny added his third requirement was finding someone who generally approached life positively and took action when struggling.
He said: “And if they were sad, they were doing something about it. Like they were going to therapy, they were taking medicine if they need to, they were doing yoga. They were actively trying to (change things.)”
He joked his checklist did not include highly specific physical requirements such as want “their like left toe longer than their right”.
Instead, Benny said: “These were like broad things, and if it didn’t meet those like first five or six things, (I) couldn’t even pursue.”
Benny and Selena had known each other for years before becoming a couple, with their relationship developing after a series of professional collaborations.
The producer said: “We first met about 15 years ago. We worked together five or six years after that, and then again five or six years after that, and had a casual friendship during the time. Then we started dating a few years after that. Now she’s my wife.”
He added: “We always talk about how it never would’ve worked out if it were at a different time or place in our lives, because neither one of us would’ve likely been ready.”
The pair first met in 2008 and subsequently worked together on music, with Benny receiving production credits on Selena’s releases including Same Old Love, Kill Em with Kindness and I Can’t Get Enough.
They later collaborated on the 2025 album I Said I Love You First, which chronicled their relationship and included the singles Scared of Loving You, Call Me When You Break Up and Bluest Flame.
Selena publicly confirmed their romance in December 2023, responding to posts about the relationship on Instagram and writing of Benny: “He is my absolute everything in my heart.”
She announced their engagement on Instagram in December 2024, prompting Benny to respond: “Hey wait… that’s my wife.”
The couple married in Santa Barbara, California, on September 27, 2025, with both wearing Ralph Lauren for the ceremony.
Their relationship has been back in the spotlight this week after they travelled through Italy ahead of their first wedding anniversary.
Benny and Selena were photographed arriving in Venice aboard the Venice Simplon-Orient-Express before taking a water taxi through the city, with the couple seen holding hands and sharing affectionate moments during the trip.
Away from their marriage, Benny remains one of pop music’s most prolific producers and songwriters, having worked with artists including Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber, Rihanna, Katy Perry and Maroon 5. His appearance on Mel’s podcast also comes as he promotes his new book.
Selena, meanwhile, remains closely associated with her role as Mabel Mora alongside Steve Martin and Martin Short in the Emmy-winning comedy Only Murders in the Building.
