Alec Baldwin battled suicidal thoughts after Rust shooting
Actor Alec Baldwin has revealed he battled suicidal thoughts in the aftermath of the Rust shooting as he faced charges in connection with the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins on the set of his movie.
Alec Baldwin battled suicidal thoughts in the aftermath of the Rust shooting.
The 67-year-old actor was holding a prop gun on the set of the Western in October 2021 when it discharged, killing cinematographer Halyna Hutchins and injuring director Joel Souza, and Balwin was wrapped up in a lengthy legal case as he faced manslaughter charges in connection with the tragedy. The charges against Baldwin were dismissed twice and the case is now over, but he has admitted the stress left him feeling as if he didn't want to live any more.
During an appearance on the Dopey: On the Dark Comedy of Drug Addiction podcast, Baldwin explained: "When you get to that point where you go: 'I don’t want to wake up another day, I’m gonna go’ - I swear to God, I mean, to talk about it, and it’s really kind of unappealing to me because to talk about killing yourself and to actually kill yourself are two so profoundly distinctive things.
"I think a lot of people, I think countless people think about killing themselves and ending their life, and then very few do.
"And for me, I remember, I used to lay there in bed and go: 'Oh God, I can’t wake up another day and have it be the same. It’s the same every day. And I can’t do it.' And but somehow I found the faith in God to, you know, not kill myself tomorrow. Let’s wait one more day."
Baldwin also hated seeing the affect the tragedy had on his wife Hilaria and their children and he's convinced it has "taken 10 years" off his life.
He added: "The people I was most concerned about, the people that I had the deepest pain for, were my wife and my kids. Because my kids would see me sitting in a corner, you know, I couldn’t even move ...
"And I don’t want to dwell on this, I just want to say that this was very painful for my wife and my family, my sisters and brothers and so forth, my colleagues. …
"And I can tell you, it broke every nerve in my body, spiritually, financially … work-wise, my career, my wife, my kids, my friends, my health. I mean what it’s done to my health.
"I mean, if I told you what my health conditions have been since October 21st of 2021 … it’s taken 10 years off my life. It’s taken at least 10 years off my life."
It comes after Baldwin's wife Hilaria revealed the actor was diagnosed with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) after the shooting.
Speaking on the couple's reality show The Baldwins', she explained: "Everyone who is close to Alec has seen his mental health decline.
"He was diagnosed with PTSD, and he says in his darkest moments: ‘If an accident had to have happened this day, why am I still here? Why couldn't it have been me?'"
