Lewis Capaldi lays bare struggles with fame in new documentary
Lewis Capaldi detailed how he felt he was "going insane" when he was in the grip of debilitating panic attacks in his new Netflix documentary.
Lewis Capaldi felt he was "going insane" when he was in the grip of debilitating panic attacks.
The 'Someone You Loved' hitmaker has laid bare his struggles while recording his second album, 'Broken By Desire to Be Heavenly Sent', including being left gasping for breath when overwhelmed by anxiety and seeing an increase in the painful tics he suffered as a result of Tourette's.
Speaking in his Netflix documentary 'How I'm Feeling Now', he said: “When I have a panic attack it feels like I’m going insane, completely disconnected from reality. I can’t breathe. I can’t feel my breath going in. I get dizzy. I feel like there’s something happening to my head.
“I’m sweating. My whole body starts to do what my shoulder does. Like pure convulsing.
“The big thing for me with it is, I’m always going to feel like this now, this is me. F***. This is it. Either I feel like I’m going to be stuck like that forever or I’m going to die.”
And the 26-year-old Scot told of how "physically painful" he finds writing songs when sitting at the piano for hours on end.
He admitted: “The way I write songs is I sit at a piano for four hours and hate myself. It feels like, ‘This is f****** hard and I’m s*** at writing songs.’
“My twitch that I have gets worse when I sit down to play piano. Physically painful. I get really short of breath and my back f****** kills me but I’ve got to do it...
“I don’t think I’ve ever been more insecure in my life as I am now. The success of the first one made me more insecure … about my own abilities.”
In the film, Lewis' dad Mark notice he is twitching more and tells him he "needs to do something" and suggests a chiropractor.
His parent also spoke of his devastation at seeing his son stop his huge gig at Wembley in 2020 after being overwhelmed by a tic.
Mark said: “He stopped singing so I bolted, ran down the stairs and the crowds went quiet and I shouted, ‘Luigi (his name for Lewis), keep going, keep going’, and I’m breaking my heart.”
Lewis added: “This twitch became out of control. It was absolutely horrific. Started to get in my head about these pressures … other people are depending on me.”
The 'Hold Me While You Wait' hitmaker had confided his struggles with imposter syndrome to fellow megastar Ed Sheeran, leading to his pal's mentor Sir Elton John getting in touch to offer a pep talk.
Lewis said: “I have never been more insecure in my life than I am now. I feel like I’m in a race against the clock to get my mental health in order.
“But I got this, ‘I heard you are feeling a bit like an imposter. B*****ks. You are totally your own man. Your album is still riding high all over the world. You write beautiful songs that resonate with millions of people. You are great live and a wonderful singer. You are also very funny and original. So stop this now please or I will bring out the latent homo in you. Buckets of love. Elton’.”
'How I'm Feeling Now' is released on Netflix on 5 April.
